BirthDave Card Sets Off Verbal Tsunami

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BirthDave Card First, Harald Zoschke in Germany sent me the hilarious card at the left after asking me to model the ‘Bhut Jolokia’ tie.  This imagery caused a ruckus among my female friends, ranging from “OMG! That is one for the archives!” (Martha “Body Bueno” Doster), to “Are those your real boobs?” (Lois “Cave Dweller” Manno) to “There are so many things that are just wrong with this pic, Dave!” (Melanie “Cold Water” Yunk).  I replied, “But I love my new panties, my new nail color, and my implants.”  Then I emailed the card to Pat Chapman, the King of Curries in England, and he sent the following report about our upcoming event, “The Pope of Peppers Meets the King of Curries,” in London on May 16.


Reuters, London, 0922 GMT; 02-05/2010

Sales of Sports Illustrated soared as tens of thousands of extra copies were printed to cope with astonishing demand following the near exposure of America’s latest sex icon, the Pope of Peppers.  The magazine owners admitted that they had never known anything like it, and that the cover design would be nominated for the ‘Less is More’ Award.  

Security was stepped up to hold back the crowds of adulating admirers who took to the Miami seas in boats of all shapes and sizes in the hope of catching sight of the new icon. Wearing his new papal uniform aboard a cruise ship of hot repute, the Pope revealed he has tied up a deal with the King of Curries in England, which will result in a visit there in May following his highly awaited tour of Italy.  

Asked how this would affect relationships with the Vatican, the Pope said “I do not have plans to visit my namesake.  But I hear Benedict will pay a visit to England after my own.”  This was confirmed by the Vatican who were obliged to hastily plan their first papal visit to Britain since 1982. The media on both sides of the pond are buzzing with anticipation. Asked how cash-strapped UK would handle two popes in one year, the Bank of England expected to step up its quantative easing to produce the extra finance need to handle the visit. Prime Minister Gordon Brown stated “Printing money is easy.  Providing we don’t run out of paper.”   President Obama said a decision may be made by the end of his term. British security chiefs said measures will be put in place to handle the expected crowd. “We will bring back our troops from Afghanistan, if we have any left by then.”   The palace declined to confirm whether royalty will attend, stating her majesty was not amused, but they did intimate that the King had been alerted.  

When quizzed, the King confirmed that negotiations were ongoing between the Albuquerque papal office and his own regal office in Haslemere, Surrey. They expected to announce a US/UK Fiery Food Pope-meets-King summit soon. “A lot depends on what happens when DeWitt removes that tie,” he said. Happy Birthday Pappa.

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